[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" admin_toggled="no"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" last="no"][fusion_imageframe image_id="909" max_width="" style_type="" blur="" stylecolor="" hover_type="none" bordersize="" bordercolor="" borderradius="" align="center" lightbox="no" gallery_id="" lightbox_image="" alt="" link="" linktarget="_self" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset=""]https://thepowerthread.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/Slipping-01.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" admin_toggled="no"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" last="no"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id=""] Recently in one of my MFA classes, we discussed Margaret Atwood’s idea of the “slippery double” that writers live. It’s the idea that there’s the writing life, full of emotion and wonder, and a tuning out of the rest of the world for a short time. Then there’s the human life, for lack of a better word. The life that must pay bills and go to the doctor, remember to wash sheets and buy eggs. I believe this does not only apply to writers, but to anyone ‘slipping’ between their passion and sustaining their life as a human being. I believe this especially applies to those of us who are young, still figuring out human life as we venture into the world, those fearlessly making headway down paths in their area of passion. I, for one, have felt very lost between these two lives. As someone still learning, trying to create the best work I can every day, slipping into the subconscious world that creativity calls for every day, while keeping track of my life, has proven to be harder than it originally looked. I am here in this MFA to write, and to learn to write, and write again, the best possible work I can. What I didn’t realize is that I would also be figuring out how to find funding in the university system. I’m also trying to sustain myself on a graduate assistant’s pay check, while feeling so incredibly lucky to even have that. I’m also here, trying to figure out who to ask all these questions to. I’ve been so lucky to have teachers in this program checking in on me and truly wanting to help, who are amazingly wise and brilliant, but who also don’t follow me home to my other, my double, life where I pay bills and go to the doctor, remember to wash sheets and buy eggs. Caroline Donofro, in a recent article, “Single Woman Seeks Role Model”, asks as a single woman, where is “the role model who talks about filing taxes as an individual? Or who they turn to in an emergency? Or how do they tackle difficult life questions?” Her article is mainly pointed toward those in further reaches of adulthood, but these questions felt extremely raw and pertinent. How do I file taxes as a non-resident in the state I live in? Who do I list as an emergency contact when family members are not near? How do I balance my creative life with things as a human I must do? In searching for answers to these questions, I have caught myself looking more and more for a role model who has both of what I desire: a fulfilling creative and writing life and, for lack of a better term, has their shit together. I had this idea in my head of someone who has achieved ridiculous amounts of success, writes five hundred perfect and oh-so-literary words a day, easily slips between writing the next great American novel and going to CVS to get tampons. She’s found the perfect pair of black ankle boots. She goes to farmers markets, separates her recycling, and has cultivated the world’s best credit score, and doesn’t have a constant stream of dust on her black chest of drawers. Though this person may indeed exist, I have yet to find her. I don’t think I will. I’ve realized the answer to these questions, the fix to slipping, is patience. No one is the only one trying to deal. We’re all a little lost, even the mentors you find. We’re all pretending we know what we’re doing, hopefully sometimes getting it right. We’re all diving head first into our passions, figuring the rest out on the way. It’s okay to slip because we’re all slipping together. The ground is one big banana peel which we must learn to walk on. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]

[fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left=""][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" dimension_margin="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" last="no"][fusion_imageframe image_id="838" max_width="" style_type="none" stylecolor="" hover_type="none" bordersize="" bordercolor="" borderradius="" align="none" lightbox="no" gallery_id="" lightbox_image="" alt="" link="" linktarget="_self" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset=""]https://thepowerthread.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/10/A-list-called-life.jpg[/fusion_imageframe][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container][fusion_builder_container hundred_percent="no" hundred_percent_height="no" hundred_percent_height_scroll="no" hundred_percent_height_center_content="yes" equal_height_columns="no" menu_anchor="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="center center" background_repeat="no-repeat" fade="no" background_parallax="none" enable_mobile="no" parallax_speed="0.3" video_mp4="" video_webm="" video_ogv="" video_url="" video_aspect_ratio="16:9" video_loop="yes" video_mute="yes" video_preview_image="" border_size="" border_color="" border_style="solid" margin_top="" margin_bottom="" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" admin_toggled="no"][fusion_builder_row][fusion_builder_column type="1_1" layout="1_1" spacing="" center_content="no" link="" target="_self" min_height="" hide_on_mobile="small-visibility,medium-visibility,large-visibility" class="" id="" background_color="" background_image="" background_position="left top" background_repeat="no-repeat" hover_type="none" border_size="0" border_color="" border_style="solid" border_position="all" padding_top="" padding_right="" padding_bottom="" padding_left="" dimension_margin="" animation_type="" animation_direction="left" animation_speed="0.3" animation_offset="" last="no"][fusion_text columns="" column_min_width="" column_spacing="" rule_style="default" rule_size="" rule_color="" class="" id=""] In the weeks since starting graduate school, I’ve been forgetting to breathe. It sounds crazy, but a handful of times a day I’ll feel my throat contract and my neck ache crawling up to my head, and I realize I haven’t been taking full breaths. Breathing has become a task. My day, every day, is based on a list of tasks, and checking things off that list, and making sure I complete that list. The morning is especially precise. I get up at six and check emails. I write for thirty minutes. I take a walk for an hour and make notes on what I’m writing. I get home. I shower. I drink a cup of tea and eat an egg. Morning done. I had thought of these lists as something needed to achieve the life I was trying to live. They were getting me to my goals, a life where every day, I do everything I feel I need to, rarely catching myself out of place. Now, rarely catching my breath. In the past few weeks, I haven’t been able to shake a sense of nervousness. I’ve been making lists in my head of what I’ll do this summer, when I’ll go visit friends, what clothing I want to buy before I go home for thanksgiving, what I want to say in an email I want to send to my grandma for her birthday in two weeks, what kind of candles I want to try when the one I have runs out, what I want to say to someone I’ve been needing to call for six weeks. At the end of these lists, after just writing this, I’m not breathing. My throat is contracting, and I have an ache in my neck crawling up to my head. While continuing to curate my Pinterest page, allotted in my ten minute break every hours of work, I scrolled upon this: In between goals is a thing called life, that has to be lived and enjoyed – Sid Caesar . I don’t know who Sid is, but it felt like Pinterest fated us to be together in those ten minutes. I also want to take this moment to thank Sid Caesar. I had been mistaking life for goals, lists for living, and my breath was trying to tell me what only Sid could. My life was asking to not just be accomplished, but to be lived. I had been replacing people with check marks, writing for check marks, beauty for check marks. In the chase, in being young and making mistakes, in being fearless and ignoring oneself, it’s easy to get lost in goals. It’s easy to get lost in lists. It’s easy to not breathe. Here is tomorrow morning’s new list: Get up at six. Read notes from other writers, hopefully my grandma. Do what I love doing for thirty short minutes while the sun comes up behind me. Take a walk for as long as I need through my neighborhood, filled with gorgeous, hundred year old homes, and be inspired by them. Feel so privileged to have somewhere to come home to. Fill my body with something warm and tasty. Breathe. [/fusion_text][/fusion_builder_column][/fusion_builder_row][/fusion_builder_container]